


Systema Naturae

by theskywasblue



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crack, Other, Tentacles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-17
Updated: 2011-04-17
Packaged: 2017-10-18 18:45:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/192054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theskywasblue/pseuds/theskywasblue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the sewers, Dean encouters something unsavory.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Systema Naturae

**Author's Note:**

> [](http://whymzycal.dreamwidth.org/profile)[**whymzycal**](http://whymzycal.dreamwidth.org/) made me do it, I swear

“Why sewers, Sam? Why _always_ sewers?”

Sam was wearing his five star bitch-face, probably in response to the _delightful_ smell wafting up from the horrible sludge around their ankles. And Dean’s favourite boots were fucking ruined; he wasn’t even going to think about his most comfortable jeans. Why did he even bother getting attached to his clothes? They just ended up covered in blood, bile or ectoplasm.

“The first two victims were sewer workers, Dean,” Sam lifted one giant foot from the muck and looked for a moment like he was going to cry. There was something green and stringy hanging from his laces. “Then those kids hanging out by the storm drain after that big rainstorm. Whatever’s doing this, it’s in here somewhere.”

“Well, why can’t we ever hunt a monster in the Playboy mansion or a five-star Vegas hotel or something?”

Sam grunted in response, which meant he was done listening to Dean’s complaints – that didn’t necessarily mean that Dean was going to stop making them. He was just trying to say that it would be nice, for once, to hunt a monster with a better sense of class; not one that liked to wallow around in human excrement, sucking the meat off sewer workers and leaving their indigestible bits to wash up in someone’s toilet bowl when their sewer line backed up.

The water – _God damn_ , Dean hoped it was mostly water, it didn’t _smell_ like water – was getting deeper, sloshing up around Dean’s knees, and he was going to _kill_ someone or something for this, no fucking question.

“Please tell me you memorized that map, Sammy, because seriously, if we get lost down here, I’m gonna eat you to stay alive.”

“Relax Dean, I’ve got it covered, okay?”

“Oh yeah, just like I’m covered in....I don’t even know what the fuck this is.”

And the big rule of hunting, Winchester-style, was that just when you thought things couldn’t get any worse, they absolutely did. One minute, Dean was sloshing through Christ only knew what, grateful that they were finally on an upslope, when something grabbed his feet out from under him, yanking him sideways through the disgusting stew and right down an narrow outflow pipe.

And because life was a bitch, Dean got stuck. Whatever had him gave his leg one last, brutal yank, and then vanished with his boot and sock in tow.

“Dean? Dean!”

“I’m okay Sammy!” He didn’t want to think what was on his face and he had to hold his head up at a painful angle to keep sewer sludge from sloshing all over him; but relatively speaking, he was okay. “I’m – I think I’m stuck though.”

There was a barely-repressed snort of laughter from up above. If their situations had been reversed, Dean would probably have been laughing his ass off – but as it was he felt pretty fucking miffed that Sam found it amusing.

“Could you just get me out of here – _please_?”

“Yeah – of course. I gotta go back to the car and get some rope.”

“Well hurry the fuck up!”

“Okay – just hang in there.”

“Trust me,” Dean grunted, squirming painfully against the piping digging into his hipbones. “I’m not going anywhere – just get the lead out!”

He couldn’t hear Sam leave over the roar of the water, but the absence of the flashlight shining down around the top of Dean’s head made it obvious he was gone. Dean stared at the wall of the pipe and thanked whoever might have been watching out for him that he hadn’t jammed the damn thing up so much that the water had stopped moving – otherwise he would have been pretty quick to drown. He thought if he could just shift a little, he’d have room enough to get himself out – but the pipe was slick with grime and the last thing he wanted was to actually slide further down and get totally fucking lost.

Darkness was damned boring, though, and the rhythm of the water verged on hypnotic – Dean got so zoned out by it that he didn’t even really pay attention to the slimy thing touching the bottom of his foot until it slid over the top and curled around his ankle.

“Fuck!” He kicked his foot frantically, banging his toes and then heel painfully against the wall of the pipe, and whatever the hell it was fell away. Dean swallowed against the race of his heart and curled his toes, as if that might help. It didn’t, of course; not ten seconds later and it was back, coiling sticky-slick and hot around his foot – then sliding slowly up the leg of his jeans.

It felt like the thing was...stroking goddamn calf.

“Oh _hell_ no, you perverted kraken bastard – no way am I gonna lie here and think of England while you get your slimy rocks off.”

Dean pressed his hands against the walls of the pipe, tried to get some leverage to pull himself up, but they slipped uselessly in the thick coat of algae and sludge as the tentacle or whatever it was, wormed its way up behind his knee.

“Sam! Sammy! Oh shit...” He kicked out with his other foot, but there was zero room to manoeuvre and definitely not enough to get any leverage to actually hurt the thing. Dean started to feel nauseous as it curled around his thigh. “Sammy, get me outta here!”

Yellow light splashed down around Dean’s head, and the rush of relief he felt was almost enough to make him forget that there was a demonic octopus practically writing love notes on his thigh. “Dean – are you okay?”

“The rope Sam!” Dean barely swallowed his panic – the tentacle was starting to poke its way up the leg of his boxers. “Throw the rope down _now_.”

“Okay – Chill.”

Dean felt the knotted end of the rope hit the top of his head, and he didn’t even care that it actually fucking hurt– he wound it around his wrists and hollered for Sam to pull him up, kicking against the tug of the tentacle in the opposite direction. He was terrified that it would clamp down, rip his fucking leg off; but it let go, and Dean slid free of the outflow pipe like a cork from a cheap champagne bottle, jumping to his feet and slapping at his leg.

“Sick, slimy son of a bitch!” He hauled up his pant leg and wiped at his calf, fingers picking up a very definite layer of translucent slime. “Oh, I am going to kill that fucker dead.”

When he straightened up, Sam was looking at him in that totally blank way that could only mean he was holding back an impossibly powerful explosion of laughter. “Dean...did you just get molested by Cthulhu?”

And when he was done, he was going to kill Sam dead, too. “Shut up and give me your boot.”

-End-

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic] Systema Naturae](https://archiveofourown.org/works/350765) by [kansouame](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kansouame/pseuds/kansouame)




End file.
